23 Jun, 2021 12:30 PM

I possess a post-doctorate degree in Philosophy. Does this qualify me for a position as a WalMart greeter?

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23 Jun, 2021 12:30 PM

I'm sort of educated. I certainly made it through kindergarten, that much I can remember. But as you can probably tell already my people skills s*ck. Put me in the wal-mart doorway and after an hour, when the fiftieth kid runs up to me for a f*cking sticker I'll kick it right in the chops.
I actually worked at a Wal-mart when I was in school. In the electronics department. After the interview they thought I had a gift, lol.
I guess I was too stupid to keep a joyful smile on my face while an overweight woman with three screaming kids hanging off her teets demanded I explain the inner workings of a pen light.

23 Jun, 2021 12:31 PM

I feel your pain; I have a worthless art degree. Given the rough area I live in, its most practical application would be setting up shop in one of the numerous tattoo parlors that litter the area---I'd have to change my style of drawing, though, since I have always produced work heavily influenced by art nouveau, which isn't exactly what the just-released-from-prison population around here is into.

23 Jun, 2021 12:31 PM

I went there. No dice. They're only hiring software engineers right now. You'd have better luck at your local Starbucks. The one on the northeast corner usually has more job openings than the one on the southwest corner because the manager there is an existentialist. He will likely hire you if you say something punny like, "I'm quite sure I Kant do the job." Then tell him that you think Sartre was way overrated by chauvinistic French people and that swishy Bowles fella.

23 Jun, 2021 12:31 PM

I don't think a degree matters. You just need to be unintelligent, nearly crippled, extremely ugly, and have no friends. That's why they make those people greeters, in hopes that they can make friends.

I'm going to wal mart soon and I'm bringing my obnoxious husband. You wanna keep him? He has no friends. Just tie him to your bumper and drag him home if you don't want his old man balls ruining your seats.

23 Jun, 2021 12:32 PM

I'd aim lower. Greeter at Costco. You can check their recipts and carts, just so to see that no one stole (I've never understood why they check the recipts and carts, it's not like they can tell.)

23 Jun, 2021 12:33 PM

Try Costco.
They have "fare-thee-wellers" as well.
They make a great show of actually checking your purchases by perfunctorily scanning your shopping cart and dutifully validating your receipt accordingly.

It would double your chances of employment The Nolte..


(You noticed that too, did you (((WS)))?
Appears to be becoming an epidemic.
Clearly The Nolte is a carrier himself and is spreading It dutifully.
As well he should..)