27 Jun, 2021 07:42 PM

what do you think of my daughters poem?

my 12 yr old daughter has been writing poems for a few weeks now, and she has been asked to write one for the nspcc(UK) national society protection cruelty to children. for a school project, please genuine answers only,because my daughter will be reading the answers tomorrow, treat your children,the way you should, you may get arrested,you know you could dont kick them,dont hit them dont treat them the wrong way or you'll go to prison,and there you'll stay the children wimper,the children cry dont send them up into the sky why have children if you beat them up? if you hurt them,please please stop dont lock them up,in their room remember,it was you, who put them in their mothers womb please,now listen to my point of view and make your childs life brand new! i know she's my daughter,but i think that is a really good poem for a 12yr old girl,i'm so proud. Update: black eyeliner emo girl: how heartless my daughter has only being writing poems for a few wks, and i'm not bragging, i'm proud of my daughter, i gather you're not a parent yourself! thank you to all the other people who answered,my daughter will feel so good when reading them.

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WI
27 Jun, 2021 07:42 PM

I like that, I love the way it rhymes and the ideas are very insightful. I think it would be a great poem to read on the tube (one of the Poems on the Underground). Definitely encourage your daughter to write more. Children have a different outlook on things than adults, giving children's poetry an important place in literature.

AL
27 Jun, 2021 07:42 PM

I love the poem its really lovely. Good on you! Just certain bits of advice which should NOT be taken to the heart because i really do like the poem.

1) Punctuation - not a necessity as poems don't have to have it but it just makes for easier reading.

2)Rhyme - this rhyme scheme is fine but don;t feel you have to rhyme every line. You see a lot of poems which have different rhyming line which give a bit more depth to the poem.

It is a great poem i cant say that - KEEP GOING!

WE
27 Jun, 2021 07:43 PM

nicely, first, it is amazingly candy of you to % to try this. i'd nicely be attentive to the way complicated it is to place your suggestions into words. you will desire to attempt writing what's on your head first, then if something you examine poetry smart hits a similar notes, then attempt that. The extra own although, the extra significant it is. right it extremely is one i stumbled on: "A daughter is the sweetest present an entire life aspects. A blessing and a persevering with source of happiness and satisfaction...A daughter is often theory approximately and oftentimes spoken. A daughter is one in all those lot of issues...yet maximum of all, she's love."




HA
27 Jun, 2021 07:43 PM

I think that she has done an amazing job writing this poem.  I started writing poems at the age of twelve, too.  Now, I'm 18 and have been published many times.  

I would suggest using www.poetry.com  and entering some contests.

Source(s): :) Keep writing because not many people have that gift.




LI
27 Jun, 2021 07:43 PM

Great poem for a 12 year old,

Only criticism is that "don't send them up into the sky" does not really make any sense I would put something like 

"don't hurt them so much that you make them die"

Also the bit about the mothers womb sounds like you are just referring to men!!!  I would put something like

"don't make their life full of doom and gloom!!"

also sorry but the bit about make your child's life brand new is a bit wrong

should be something more like 

make your child's life have a better view!!!

as it really cannot be a life brand new - if you see my point.

Apart from that It all makes good sense.

hope you do not mind my criticism