27 Jun, 2021 07:30 PM

my 14 year old daughter won't go to school because she's stuck on myspace. can I home school her?

taking her computers away is no use. she has skipping friends, the libraries, waits in the bushes until her mom leaves; then hooks her computers back up. she has a wireless card stashed somewhere, and a starbucks is nearby... I have a degree BA in psych, and several education courses. Is that enough to home school her? I am divorced and the girl lives with her mother. I am retired Navy/GS.

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BE
27 Jun, 2021 07:31 PM

First, I think there is a little more to the situation than the computer- have you spoken much to your daughter? is she skipping school because of issues there? does she have any friendship problems? are there any other issues that you may not know about?

have you asked your daughter about home schooling- is it something she'd want to do? 

you also say you are divorced and don't live with her...? Would this be a problem to you? 

There is just the possibility that at some time she may just get bored of my space. My daughter (13) did, was hooked on it for ages, then one day said it was rubbish and turned it off.

I would also say that punishing her, as some have suggested is not the wisest thing to do, especially if she does not live with you..

There is no easy answer for you, I wish there was- but I think talking over with both your ex-wife and daughter might help you find the solution.Keep the lines of communication open if you can.

LO
27 Jun, 2021 07:31 PM

It sounds like myspace and homeschooling isn't the issue. The issue is discipline. If she's hiding in the bushes at age 14, you need to get a handle on her quick. Ohhhh, trust me, there's ways to keep her off myspace. First, there's web blockers at home. There are also timed computer programs that will turn off the computer after a certain time has lapsed.  Also, you take away her wireless card. And if she refuses to give it to you, begin taking away  other priviledges such as going to friends houses and Starbucks. If it gets to be a real problem, send her to school with the direct order for her to come back home immediately afterwords. If you can't trust her when you leave the house to stay off myspace, she could be getting into even more dangerous things like web predators and porn. (I'm not saying she is, but it's a possibility since you don't seem to have a clue what she's really doing). If you have a BA in psych, I'm suprised you haven't seen how to deal with her, especially since you also have military service (thank you for that btw). At 14, she is acting way too immature for her age. Actually, many homeschool kids won't put up with that kind of behavior, so you might ostracize her if you bring her into that community. If you homeschool her, she'll actually have even more access to the computer. 

Education isn't the problem. Discipline is.

Source(s): Was homeschooled for 12 years






TO
27 Jun, 2021 07:31 PM

I agree with the posters that said the problem is discipline.

If it's that bad I'd call my Internet provider today and *CLICK* no more subscription. She's linking into Starbucks connection. *ZAP* you now have no computer. It sounds to me like she's chatting up people and is addicted to it. As a psych you should know that's not healthy. Since the daughter lives with her mother you'll need to get her on board with your discipline. If she disagrees you'd have a case against her for neglect and delinquency. Call the truant officer.

 You don't need a degree to teach a child at home.

Homeschooling takes commitment. If you're willing to commit it may be a good idea. You could become closer to her and find out why she doesn't want to interact with real life people. You could find out her other interests and study along side her. When you've formed that bond and gained way in education then you could introduce the internet again with the understanding that it's an earned privilege.

I don't have a degree in psychology but it sounds like she was bored and left to her own devices for too long and found something to fill her time and emptiness. 

She needs you more now than ever.

God bless and good luck.








KA
27 Jun, 2021 07:31 PM

Well, it's not that you CAN'T homeschool her - I just don't think it would work.  [Just so you'll know, I am starting my 10th year of homeschooling, so I am very PRO-hsing.]  

I used to be a social worker, and the HARDEST cases to work with were the truants.  This is why:  no matter what else is going on in a kid's life, they just 'assume' they will go to school.  When a kid will not go to school, IN GENERAL [and I say that because I do now know all the circumstances here and don't want to presume anything! so please don't be offended if I am wrong - I just want to help here] everything else is broken down, too.  The child won't follow any other rules either - they go places w/o permission, won't clean their rooms or do any other work around the house, etc.  Usually this starts at age 14, and it is a home where the parents are divorced and the mom had the daughter very early and was overly-dependent on the dad while they were married.  Generally, rather than laying down the law, the mom has tried to bargain with the child, and now the child has gotten very brazen and quite frankly NOTHING works.

I do not say that to discourage you; I just want you to know what you are facing.  To homeschool a truant would be nearly impossible, because it will be very challenging to do anything that will cause her to obey you.  The one thing that MIGHT help here is that I see you are retired armed forces - if you were the one staying home with her and had the right [command] personality, MAYBE you'd be able to do something with her.

Let me also say that if you do not find some way to intervene in your daughter's life, she does not have a very positive future.  IF you were able to dedicate yourself to some very strict discipline, tough love, then you possibly could help your daughter.

If you do decide to homeschool, then go in prepared to be very very firm, and expect a huge resistance, and be ready to keep on no matter how difficult it might seem. If you do not decide to do this, then, honestly, for your daughter's good, she needs to be reported to whoever takes care of that in her area.  She is throwing her life away and needs to be stopped from doing this.

If you want to discuss this further then please email me.  I would like to know what you decide and how it turns out.














WI
27 Jun, 2021 07:32 PM

Oh, my one of those.  I have one.  Only she's three. She throws herself on the floor and screams whenever we have to do anything different even if she wants to do it.  Discipline?  Huh.  It's almost impossible.  How do you discipline someone who is obviously distraught and terribly upset that she's been caught doing something wrong?

Taking your daughter out of school and taking the pressure off of her to 'be smart' might be a start.  I taught four computer addicts and set rules like no computer two hours before school starts, two of them would get up at five o'clock in the morning just so that they could spend two hours on the computer.  "Computer time" was also earned by reaching goals.

She probably figures she's found the 'only friends' who understand her on the net, and that alone can be really heady for a child that's used to being bullied by everyone.

People ranting about 'giving your child their own way' could be right, but you know best, because you're close to her.  There could be deep emotional problems going on especially with you guys split and all.  The net encompasses a much bigger group than high school does and like the paper bag school you don't have to be judged by how cool you look.

If you join a home school group they can help you with subject areas where you're having trouble teaching her and if you apply for a full curriculum from one particular provider they often have a call center for any questions you have and some of them will even grade the work for you.

Good luck and trust your instincts.