27 Jun, 2021 05:50 PM

Am I wrong to be upset ? I am the only homeschooling parent in my neighborhood. Yesterday, Valentines Day, .

when the children were finished with their studies and the other kids had returned form their schools I sent my kids door to door with their Valentines. NO ONE reciprocated. These are all children that come to play at my house, come tto me for homework help, invite and are invited to birthday parties. You get... show more Update: This isnt about mind reading or lack of socialization. They remember to invite my kids to birthday parties ....when they will benefit....why wouldnt they reciprocate on Valentines day.? Update 2: We have lived in this neighborhood 3 years and we do this every year. Update 3: I am hearing a lot about giving and not recieving....yet the schools require that everyone give a valentine to everyone else. My children know the value of giving over recieveing...but they are still children with feelings. We have done this every year...no one should have been surprised at my children offering... show more Update 4: Once again...please read before you comment. My children have done this every year. They enjoy it. I do not set my children up for dissapointment. I also didnt ask for your approval of my parenting skills or practices. My question was simply how should I react. when your children get hurt the normal first... show more Update 5: And once again I can spell, I have keys sticking on my keyboard. Thought I might just need to repeat myself for those of you in the back of the class.

See Answer 10 Add Answers
Answer
Answer
EM
27 Jun, 2021 05:50 PM

 I think it's really just more the mindset. Public and private school kids have their party at school, in which their teacher sends home a note stating "please bring __ valentines, here is a list of names." Most parents just plain don't think any more of it than that.

I know what you mean, though...we decided to go in with some other families on a service project for Valentine's Day instead. We decorated cookies for local service people (fire stations, police officers, hospital staff, etc.).

I understand your feelings, and that your kids were hurt; however, I think it's also important to realize that classroom-schooled families don't often do anything past the class party for holidays like this. Homeschoolers tend to just have a different viewpoint. The other families in the neighborhood probably appreciated what your kids did, but it probably didn't even cross their minds to reciprocate.

Maybe you could approach it more as a service project - bringing a bit of joy to families in the neighborhood - than as a Valentine's party-type thing that others are expected to reciprocate with? This will both enforce a service-minded aspect with your kids *and* make any reciprocation that does happen a nice surprise.

RA
27 Jun, 2021 05:50 PM

I have been in the same situation as you. When you homeschool you tend to be an outsider like anything else when you do something that is different than the "norm". You just have to teach your children that yes giving is good, but don't expect anything in return. It is hard though. They are just kids and you do expect others to be kind hearted, but the reality is they just aren't if your children aren't in the same school or such as them.

My Daughter had planned this big Valentines Party with 2 girls from school and her 3 cousins that are homeschooled. Well it just didn't work out. I had it planned on a Saturday too. We do seem to get left out of things, but that is my fault for not joining up to a homeschooling group.

I suggest getting your kids involved into a local or nearby homeschooling group. You would be amazed at the difference in the children. They are very bright, considerate, more accepting than the children you will ever find in a Public school. These kids have already been brainwashed into thinking it is ok to do what they do and often parents that work fulltime and don't have the time to fool with them. It is very sad!!

You get to where you just have to grow a thick skin and just do things with other homeschoolers or just not expect anything in return when it comes to the Public schooled kids.

I am sorry this happened to your kids. It stinks!!

AB
27 Jun, 2021 05:51 PM

Do you not think it's a bit unfair to set your children up for this kind of diappointment? Was the door to door valentine thing their idea or yours? Somehow I think yours. I suspect your children were hurt because you were furious. The fact that your children have a reciprocal relationship in terms of birthday parties should inform you that there isn't a problem with the other children. But valentine is different. It's a day for lovers (and therefore grown ups) and I certainly wouldn't feel comfortable asking my children to make cards for other children. It's not like asking them to make a birthday card or write a thankyou note for a gift. My youngest made a card at school with his classmates and guess what? They were all for the mums not other children.
Also if your kids were so keen on a planned event maybe you should have Planned it! The other mothers probably got home from school and got on with whatever they normally do after school. They didn't know your children were going to come around with cards. Perhaps they didn't have time to make cards for your kids in return - it doesn't mean anything bad.
Next time let the other mothers know what you plan to do and give them a chance to reciprocate. If it's appropriate. Personally I think valentine's day is a funny one to get all worked up about. I am certainly not encouraging my children to be thinking about boyfriends and girlfriends at this age.

Wow, just been reading your responses and you are so highly sensitive. You asked a question but you've taken the spectrum of answers given sooo personally. No one is opining your parenting skills. They're just giving you different ways of looking at the situation. Do you really think door to door valentines are a good idea? The tradition is one card/gift to a special someone. Not the whole neighbourhood my dear.

LE
27 Jun, 2021 05:51 PM

I'm sorry that your children had such a bad experience. I had kids in school and now I home school children. The whole valentine's day thing is a huge pain for parents of public schoolers. They get the list and have to write out the cards and it is thought to be one of the chores of school. They were indeed thoughtless to not remember your children. I have been homeschooling for 7 years now. My children have received vd cards only twice from other homeschoolers. We have given them about as many times. It just doesn't seem to be the culture of homeschooling, but it is a ps ritual I used to dread. The children HAVE to take the cards for everybody there. By the way, my children have never received cards from ps children. What we did for fun one year was make valentines day cards and put them in the mail. (and never got any back)

AN
27 Jun, 2021 05:51 PM

I'm feelin ya with the sticky keys. We have a new keyboard and I am still not used to it!

Don't be furious, because it won't do anything but make the kids feel worse and muddy your complexion. I know what you are talking about. It isn't neighborly of your neighbors to forget your kids. But you have to let go of these expectations. They make valentines for the kids at school because it is an event organized for them. If not, they probably forget that too. While it is personal, you cannot take it that way. I know you are saying but but but......
All your reasons for being angry may be good reasons, but they won't help you.
Next year make a new plan. You could ask the neighbors a few days prior if it is OK if your kids bring over a Valentine. This gives them a heads-up before the event and they may set aside an extra card for your little ones.
OR
You could find a local or semi-local homeschool party. That is what we did last year. We had fun and my daughter got a ton of valentines.
This year we went to a movie and out for pizza instead. We have many non-homeschooled friends. Most will not think to give her a card. Those that will remember her will get them to her late because we don't see them everyday. My kid will bring cards to the kids in her clubs and classes too. We know that will surprise them and they will not be likely to reciprocate. My daughter got one valentine from the boy across the street yesterday. She was not disappointed at all. We've gotten comfortable with how this works and we don't do anything we don't enjoy doing.
I know it is hard to accept when the kids are hurting. I still remember the first time one of my daughter's friends didn't invite her to a birthday party, even though she had just been to our house. I hurt for her, but I handled it just like I used to when she fell and scraped her knee. You tell them they are fine, it isn't a big deal. Then you kiss the boob-boo and distract them with something to do. You cannot make the world fair. You can keep your children from feeling wounded every time someone is thoughtless, selfish or even rejects them entirely. This is a raw deal, but a good teaching moment. Focus on the good, don’t linger on the bad. (Whole lives are wasted that way) You can bet your kids value their manners (and the mom who teaches them) more today than yesterday because they have been on the receiving end of bad manners. Teach them to feel sorry for those who do not take time or know to take time for special events and people. Teach them to forgive a little thing like the lack of a valentine and not to crave validation.
You’re a smart mom, make this work for you.

VA
27 Jun, 2021 05:51 PM

Mame, I respect your right to home school your kids and wish I had the time to do so myself - at least 1/2 a day, so my daughter would still get the socialization of attending school the other 1/2 the day.

Allowing your kids to go door to door w/Valentines is a beautiful idea, but I wouldn't expect the other neighborhood kids to do the same.

Don't take it personal. Many families don't feel they have the time to be as involved in ANY school activities as they would like to be - let alone have time to home school.

I see what you're saying, they invite your kids to b-day parties when their kids will receive presents, but I doubt that is the idea. Parties are expensive especially when you don't have time to do it all yourself. It's more likely the cost of invited 1 or 2 extra kids is more than the price of the present their child will receive.

Anyways... I can understand "why" your kids are bothered by it, and if that's the case... just mention it... when talking to other neighborhood parents. I'm sure they ask questions or you talk about the pro & cons of home schooling your kids. Mention some of the pros & then slide in there... "but the downside is, my kids don't get to do the Valentine's Day card exchange (etc.). I send them door to door every year, but they seem disappointed when they don't receive any in return. I as a grown up realize the other kids do this at school, but the kids take it kind of hard at times."

If you told me this story, I would make a mental note of it & "TRY" to remember to send 1 to your kids personally next year, but people are busy these day & they still forget.

Maybe you could organize a small neighborhood get together w/all the neighborhood kids could exchange Valentine's Day cards at your own house or a play-date outside in the snow. Wouldn't have to be expensive. Maybe just a cake or even just a big bag of candy, and the kids could play some games.

Just "TRY" not to take it so personal...