27 Jun, 2021 05:20 PM

I can't take it anymore!! I want to die!?

I am 14 going on 15 and I have been homeschooled my whole life. I have NEVER had a friend before. Not even one. I have always wanted to be public schooled but my mom STRONGLY DISAGREES with public school. She will NOT let me go to public school so don't suggest that. And don't suggest taking classes or sports because she says its expensive And what makes it even worse is that our sleeping schedule is very f*cked up. We get up at 2-3 PM. So basically we are night-owls. And I can't get up earlier than them and go out because I'm not allowed to go out of the house when they're sleeping. I just want a friend, I want to know what it's like to have a friend, someone who I could laugh and talk with. Becuse I'm so isolated I don't even KNOW how to talk to anybody. When somebody says something to me, I just ignore them until they go away because I'm REALLY shy. Update: Recently I started cutting and it's the only thing that makes me feel good. I just feel like ending it all so I can show my mom how much pain she is putting me through. Yesterday I really thought I was gonna kill myself, I had a perfectly devised plan that would not fail. But I eventually just decided not to do it, I cried all day. I hate my life.

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SA
27 Jun, 2021 05:20 PM

My daughter is homeschooled too, but she actually wants to be homeschooled.  

I think you should write a letter telling your parents exactly how you feel.  Even if they won't consider public school, they may be willing to look into other options.

Some things that do not cost a lot of money are:

4-H (small yearly due, about $10, then depending on your project it may not cost anything more, or you may need to spend a little.)

Girl Scouts (It goes up to age 19, so you are not too old).

Church youth groups.  (Free)

Book clubs at the Public Library (Usually Free)

In addition, many libraries have things like chess clubs that homeschoolers can take part in.

The main thing though is to really spell out on paper how lonely you are, and how you want some kind of social life.

Homeschooling can be a wonderful, enriching experience, with plenty of positive interaction in the community.  Or it can be isolating.  It depends how it is done.

For example, my daughter *was* feeling lonely earlier this year, she had friends at church but only saw them on Sunday and sometimes on Wednesday.  When she let me know how she felt I started looking very intensely for opportunities for her.

First we started making sure to make it to youth group at our church on Wednesday.  Instead of everyone staying home if a younger child was sick, I started calling other parents in the church and arranged a ride for her.

Next we enrolled in 4H.

We also started inviting her friends' families over to our house for dinner, to barbecue, and even arranged to go camping together with another family.

Next year she will be taking Biology, Literature, and possibly Art at a homeschool co-op with other teens.

Have you really expressed your loneliness to your parents and been willing to look into other options?  Even if they won't agree to Public School, maybe they *would* agree with something else.

JO
27 Jun, 2021 05:21 PM

Hey,

I know what you are going through, I am a manic depressive and I understand when enough is enough, the only thing I've learned from all this is that there is always another answer, I think as soon as you can you get out of there and start your own life, with your own friends, the better off you will be. It's really sad that parents protect their children so much that they eventually do them more harm than good, for a person your age it's unnatural for you to be sleeping until the afternoon and staying home all the time.  Talk to your parents and if they don't like what you have to say then tell them you will leave. I did it, I now own 2 businesses and am entirely self sufficient, it might be the hard way, but it is a way none the less..  Good luck and I hope to hear something back from you soon...

if you need to talk to someone I'm usually online, either on the road or from home... 

dpw@live.com.au is my msn....please don't hesitate to contact me if needs be...

p.s just remember, suicide hurts everybody else but yourself.

a great quote I've always swore by....

'That which does not kill me, makes me stronger' 

Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzche

Source(s): traumatic life experiences
















KN
27 Jun, 2021 05:21 PM

Okay...YOU NEED TO TAKE A BREATHER!!! It's going to be okay. Killing yourself is NOT the answer. It won't help your situation and it won't help your family's.

If you want to experience what life has to offer you, you must give it a chance. Work your hardest at convincing your mom to get you involved in SOMETHING!!! It's probably be your only chance of meeting anyone. Do you not have any neighbors to hang out with? A pen pal is always a fun way to meet people.

This will definitely convince your mom...tell her, "Are classes and sports really more expensive than my life?" If she doesn't change her mind with that, then she's the one with the problem, not you. She's not doing her best at being a mother. She is depriving you of one of the most precious gifts of life...friendship.

One problem that you have though is your shyness. You can't be shy especially in this situation. It'll just make it worse. You need to have faith and stay confident. I believe that you can convince her. One other thing that might work is asking her if you can get a job. Although it's not the best thing, it'll help you meet new people and it'll help you pay for classes or sports that you might want to join. If she's not going to take the initiative in giving her daughter a full and happy life, then you should go out there and make your life mean something! But please don't cut yourself anymore. It's not a good way to solve your solutions. Try writing in a journal or punching something soft. You need to take deep breathes and think out your actions before you do them. It might be a life or death situation and death is NEVER the answer!!! I wish all the luck to you and God Bless!!! :)
























CA
27 Jun, 2021 05:21 PM

Wow i know exactly how you feel... I got through it by saying "as soon as i turn 18 life will be happy" Just hold on till your 18th b-day (you're only 3 years away). When you turn 18 you'll be the boss of your own life. 

When you turn 18 you should enroll in community college & get a roommate (try roomates.com) Your roommate will be able to introduce you to other people your age & is someone you can party with.... 

Dont WORRY! You're almost done with your parents! Just 3 more years to go! It really does go by fast. in the mean time try chatting with young people on aol or something



























RE
27 Jun, 2021 05:21 PM

Oh honey, hang in there. I remember being about your age and suicidal. Even had something planned out one night and couldn't go through with it. And I wasn't homeschooled. I had friends, but nobody I felt I could really confide in--the girls available to me for friends were nice, but they still couldn't be trusted to keep that type of stuff secret.

What you are describing is beyond what I experienced--what your mother is doing could be on the verge of abuse or neglect. Will she not let you, any of you, connect with other homeschoolers? Are there any groups in your area? Are there no free activities going on? Would you be allowed to go volunteer somewhere? If not, then one morning, when they're all sleeping, contact your local social services or child protective services, anything along those lines. It's really not right what she is doing and she's got to have the message get across somehow.

Please, please know that while the pain is intense right now, it won't last forever and that suicide won't fix anything. There are many bright things in the future, even if you have to wait until you are 16 to move out and start living.